Even more untangling of my feelings about homework

Today is Saturday. The sun is shining. The air is cool. I sit on the porch with my thoughts instead of harrying A+ to do her homework.

Today I am working on not fretting. W- can, if he wants. He doesn't trigger the same reactions.

Current experimental perspective: A+ is making rational choices about the level of effort required for the results she wants.

It's not that she can't do it, it's that she wants to spend time and energy on other things.

Which is totally understandable. Goodness knows I'm glad I chose a life of less for happiness.

I chose less work for more time, more autonomy, more flexibility. Less certainty, more exploration. Seems to be all right. I have enough. Could be all right for her too.

"But what if she just reads or plays video games all evening?", says my anxiety.

But I don't; there are things I want to do. I think I can trust that she'll find the things she wants to do.

And even if she takes her time, it's okay for her to be a kid. This time does not have to be mainly about preparing for the next step. The "good elementary | good HS | good university | good job | good life" pipeline hasn't been a sure thing for a long time. (Has it ever?)

I think it comes down to what we want. I know people can learn many things when they want to.

It's good that she doesn't blindly accept the standard wants. Nor is she swayed by "Want this because I say so."

We, too, can resist the urge to dangle conditional love or external rewards so that we ourselves get validated. She'll find her own wants if I don't drown them out with my anxieties.

I am okay with growing slowly, in ways that feel good to me. Maybe that could work for her too. This is her experiment, and I can support her as she figures out what she wants.

2025-09-20-01