How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom

Anita Cleare (2024) Note by Sacha Chua, https://sach.ac/2025-10-17-07

• Four key drives
  • Separation
  • Autonomy
  • Individuation
  • Assimilation
• Just like a toddler learning to walk, progress: not neat, not linear
• "We need to be the calm, consistent, non-judgemental rock in their turbulent world."
• The thoughts that trip us up:
  • Overgeneralizing
  • Mind reading
  • Catastrophic thinking
  • Comparisonitis
  • Should/shouldn't
  • It's all about me!
• Rules:
  1. Be kind to yourself.
  2. Manage your thoughts.
  3. Model the behaviour you want to see
  4. Hand over the power
  5. Prioritize relationship over power.
• "Our job is to learn to spot those thoughts (underneath the big emotions they generate),take a deep breath and try a different thought instead, not to dump those thoughts and fears onto our teenager or hijack the drama."
• Pay attention, summarize, keep calm, explore gently, problem-solve together
• Ideas:
  • food
  • TV
  • shopping
  • money
  • dog
• Unconditional love and acceptance
• Red flags